


Performance Review, December 1998

by Liviania



Category: Cabin in the Woods (2011)
Genre: Background Het, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-20
Updated: 2012-12-20
Packaged: 2017-11-21 19:04:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/601088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liviania/pseuds/Liviania
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In 1998, Hadley, Sitterson, and Lin earned promotions.  All it took was a little catastrophic failure on the part of others.</p><p>Meanwhile, the Director is out of brandy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Performance Review, December 1998

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Emmzzi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmzzi/gifts).



> The background het refers to Hadley's canonical relationship with his wife.
> 
> Much thanks to Morbane for being my beta on very short notice. Her experience with performance reviews helped me greatly with structure and language. Some headings taken directly from her examples.

Staff will normally be performance reviewed once every year, but in light of recent issues staff will be reviewed every three months for the next two years.  These reviews will help us identify strengths and weaknesses, the needs of the community, and future goals in addition to evaluating job performance. 

Please write your comments in the columns below and fax them to the Director.  She will add her comments and arrange a meeting to discuss your record.  Expectations for the next performance review will be set at that time.

\--

 **Employee:**   Steve Hadley

 **Position:** Second Assistant

 **Period reviewed:** January 1998-December 1998

 **Manager:**   The Director

**Description of Duties:**

  * Ensuring that the ritual can be completed to a high standard by scouting locations and researching candidates for rituals/ceremonies



I have found suitable cabins and sacrifices for five years.

All sacrifices were suitable, but two this year were resistant to drugs. -D

  * Attending ritual to aid the Assistant



I attended the ritual and offered aid promptly.

Aid was offered but proved insufficient to prevent this year's ritual from failing. -D

  * Interfacing with other departments and other employees in Rituals and Ceremonies Department on behalf of Assistant



I have a polite phone manner and am skilled with the fax machine.  I have a good camaraderie with my coworkers.

Hadley does have a record of good work.  Communication failure was Chem Department's fault. -D

 

Areas of high achievement: I am a good communicator and researcher.

Hadley is well liked and his ideas for this year's ritual were innovative. -D

Areas that require improvement: I need to question other departments more.

Yes, more suspicion could have prevented this disaster.  Ultimately, the Assistant was terminated for this failure, but some fault lies with the Second Assistant as well. -D

Career goals and opportunities: I will lead the C&D team to a successful ritual as the new Assistant.  I will learn to use Windows 98 when it is installed by IT in March.  I will ask Maintenance to make the conch more visible in the cabin basement.  I will establish communication with the Harbinger in addition to the other departments.

A 100% more effective ritual is required next year.  -D

Support and resource needs:  I would like to request more paid leave for upper management.

Denied. -D

 **Director's private notes on meeting:** Reminded Hadley that he's done a wonderful job for four years in his current position and the company appreciates all he's done to maintain our reputation with our international colleagues.  He was reminded that he must be successful as he steps into the Assistant position, less he also be fired and subsequently die suspiciously.  He understood that being second place to Japan is inexcusable.  This isn't the eighties; we all know the Japanese aren't taking over.  How is it possible that they hosted the Olympics and still performed a successful ritual?  All that national pride and hope for the future and still a perfect record.  We were supposed to be pioneering a new, more budget friendly ritual, not making fools of ourselves.

Anyway, we reviewed the company policy and he acknowledged the warning that repeating his predecessor's failure would result in termination.  He agreed that he would prefer to retire after many years of service than face termination.  Sensible.

I approved of the future Assistant Director taking an interest in _mise en sc_ _ène_ and took steps to ensure Hadley could achieve his goal to see a Merman.  We sent note to maintenance to put the conch near the stairs and at easy grabbing distance; follow-up scheduled in two months.

Hadley asked for more paid time off for upper management; suspect complaint is related to his upcoming honeymoon.  Request denied.  We just had a major embarrassment, this is no time to relax on the beach and drink fruity cocktails with umbrellas.  After he left, I sent a note to my secretary to restock the brandy in my office.

\--

 **Employee:**   Gary Sitterson

 **Position:** Head Production Engineer

 **Period reviewed:** January 1998-December 1998

 **Manager:**   The Director

**Description of Duties:**

  * Ensuring that the cabin is built and/or modified to management's request



I work well with the Maintenance team and communicate well with the Second Assistant.

The cabin this year was well done. -D

  * On call during ritual for any necessary adjustments



I attended the ritual and offered aid promptly.

Aid was offered but proved insufficient to prevent this year's ritual from failing. -D

  * Coordinating Rituals and Ceremonies, Chemistry, and Maintenance Departments during development of ritual



I facilitate communication of problems and am a skilled troubleshooter.  I am good at finding solutions.

Very true; without Sitterson's quick thinking our operation might have been exposed.  He needs to show such initiative every day. -D

 

Areas of high achievement: I am a quick thinker and innovative problem solver.

Sitterson is an integral part of the team because of his talents. -D

Areas that require improvement: I could be better at preventing problems.

This is true.  Perhaps we should increase interdepartmental communication. -D

Career goals and opportunities: I will train the engineers on Windows 98.  I will try to cut the engineering budget by 5% and explore new building materials.  I also want to increase production and workshop five new scenarios next year.  It's been awhile since we did something with camps and lakes.

Sitterson has shown management potential.  He could be a candidate for Hadley's former job. -D

Support and resource needs:  My team could use better coffee in the break room.

Denied. -D

 **Director's private notes on meeting:** I began the meeting by commending Sitterson on staying cool when the ritual went to shit.  His quick actions to limit damage from the security footage leak were brilliant.  Because of him, the record of the ritual will be regarded as fiction when it is premièred at the Sundance film festival and the survivors' attempt to publicize what happened to their friends as merely effective "viral marketing." 

I see potential in this "viral" concept.  I think the hackers do something with them and, well, traditional viruses are so hard to keep under control.  Perhaps something with beepers?  Or cellular phones?  I think lots of young people will buy those banana Nokias once _The Matrix_ comes out.  Such a sad film.  I felt sorry for that Agent Smith, trying to keep those people safe.  Things were running so beautifully and those bald people were ruining it.  Must thank my contacts for allowing me to see it early.  It wouldn't do to cry in public.

I prepped him to take on more responsibility in light of this recent incident.  The new Second Assistant, perhaps?  Could be helpful to have someone good with technical troubleshooting in that position.  He could run the department one day if he continues to be quick with solutions.  But we did discuss his tendency towards laziness.  Otherwise I would have noted his potential before this incident, rather than because of it.  Hidden depths are neither appreciated nor trusted.  It would be a shame to get rid of an employee who could go far.  But loyalty must be unquestionable.

He also appears to be unhappy with the break room coffee.  Not sure what he expects us to do.  We appease the Ancient Ones; we don't anger them by breaking the rules of the universe.

\--

 **Employee:**   Wendy Lin

 **Position:** Lab Assistant

 **Period reviewed:** January 1998-December 1998

 **Manager:**   The Director

**Description of Duties:**

  * Maintain lab schedule and cleanliness, assistant scientists with their experiments



I keep the lab running efficiently and notice discrepancies in data.

Lin has done an excellent job of keeping an eye on the lab. -D

  * Research independent projects



I am currently researching a new application for hallucinogens.

I would like to see your progress in six months. -D

  * Help with administration of Chemistry Department



I am organized and efficient.

Lin's careful paperwork helped reveal the source of the recent disaster. -D

 

Areas of high achievement: I am a good administrator and researcher.

Lin has shown herself to be one of the best in the Chem Department. -D

Areas that require improvement: I need to trust my team.

Trust is a priority in the company, but Lin's mistrust was useful this year. -D

Career goals and opportunities: I will make a smooth transition into the position of Lab Manager.  I will finalize the new department budget by February.  I will help find any incompetent Chem Department employees missed by the purge.

Lin has been promoted due to the fine work she showed in gathering evidence.  Her efforts allowed us to put a contingency plan in place in time. -D

Support and resource needs:  The rituals are sexist and I would prefer there be fewer breasts or equal exposure of penises.  At the very least, there shouldn't be a public viewing of the sex scenes.  The deaths could be quicker as there is no need to revel during the violence.  The betting is barbaric and the bookie does not pay out correctly.  There's always a new security guard, which doesn't foster an environment of trust.

We will discuss possible solutions during meeting. -D

 **Director's private notes on meeting:** Our whistleblower.  She caught Dr. Saunders' mistake in time for the situation to be partially salvaged.  In light of Saunders' subsequent termination, Lin will be promoted to Lab Manager.  We discussed her new position in the company, particularly her new responsibilities.  Money will be short for the Chem department because we cut their budget by 20%.  She did not appreciate the extra budget being given to Zoology, but they did their jobs. 

Seems like an intelligent young woman and a natural politician.  She should do well, provided she keeps the lab on its toes.

As for her concerns, we were unable to agree on any solutions at the time.  We agreed that she will come to me if she develops any practical options.  She seemed more concerned with the Chem Department's recovery, which is how things should be if this company is going to succeed in the future.

\--

 **Employee:**   The Director

 **Position:** The Director

 **Period reviewed:** January 1998-December 1998

 **Manager:**   The Director

**Description of Duties:**

CLASSIFIED

 

Areas of high achievement: CLASSIFIED

Areas that require improvement: None

Career goals and opportunities: CLASSIFIED

Support and resource needs:  Virgins

 **Director's private notes:** Still no virgins.  Whores getting too smart.  Next thing you know they won't go into the woods just because their boyfriends want to.  Fucking feminists, making my job harder.  Next thing you know people will be demanding strong female sacrifices.

 


End file.
